the weekend purge

 so, this weekend was the bit short of boring or slow. on Friday we ended up getting our black kitten and i just now on Sunday figured out a name for her. i decided on Prisicilla. it fits her well she is such a little spunky kitten and i love it. then on Saturday we went out to a hockey game, and it was fun besides the food was trash there I'm starting to learn that i need to eat before i go or after because they charge way too much for it to be that nasty. then after the game drove back home which was an hour, so you know i had to jam out to my music lately been stuck on that ot Mexican. he hits every time and gets you turnt up once i got home i ended up stopping at a bar and getting a few drinks i even danced for the first time ever at a bar and didn't care who was watching me and who wasn't. i only had three drinks but they were fire i had a few people try mine and they ended up getting what i order which is yummy might have to post it on my food blog so stay on the lookout for that.... if you want to check out and see what i already posted you are more than welcome too @ foodiebigback059.blogspot.com go show me some love over there

on another note, it has been almost a month and my stalker who i haven't talked to at all keeps messaging me randomly it has gotten a little better, but it still is happening when it shouldn't be at all might have to do a big blast 

the adventure of homeschooling

 today was our first day of homeschooling and let me tell you we need some work that is for sure. i think we did good with the lesson plans, but time management is what we are going to have to work on. i know that it is going to take some time for us to get on a routine and see what works best for us but i don't think today went so bad really... like yes we did take way to many breaks which we will work on better for tomorrow and if we do take so many breaks, we need to make them not as long. 

    as for making a schedule for the week and months to come for like spelling and math and all the fun things i plan on doing has been so fun i love to plan and organize so this is like a dream of mine come true and i can't wait to get the school room together i have so many plans for that but once i start that project i will have to keep you all updated on that. but on the plus note we actually got through all the stuff  i had planned for us to do today even if it did take us basically all day to finish but mainly it was a lot of playing with the neighbors since they didn't have school because it's a "holiday" 

so far, we are loving to homeschool and i am so proud of myself for taking this step and doing what everyone told me i shouldn't do fuck the haters because they just hold you back from what you can really become

its been weeks

 it has been weeks since i stopped talking to an ex friend and they still don't get it that i don't want to be their friend after i already told them two different times that i am not their friend anymore and they need to push on and i haven't answered a single message in over two weeks and yet they still text me on social media at least once a day and i will open it and not respond...i am just over it like i get stalked by my baby daddy's goofy ass girlfriend and her friends like why cause more issues for me and stress me out because i don't want to be your friend like you said you talk to 10 people or more a day so why bother me bother someone else you are annoying and i am so over it!!!   

YOU ARE A FUCKING WERIDO BRO STOP TEXTING MY SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING NOTHING BUT PUTTING EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU FOR STALKING AND HARASSMENT SO DO US ALL A FAVOR AND LEAVE ME ALONE

thought of the night saga

 have you ever just sat there and wondered why people call it holding a grudge. like is it really though or are we just seeing the person for who they really are and holding them accountable for their actions finally and people don't like that they have to be responsible for themselves now and how they act and what they say to someone. 

    i truthfully feel like the older generation are the worst when it comes to this because they think they should be able to say whatever they want and act however they want because they are older but yet when someone younger starts to act like that is it rude and how dare they. like no that's not how this works you treat me shitty i treat you shitty that's how that works because i shouldn't just take any type of treatment and be ok with it because you are older or any reason for that matter and if you are a shitty person then no i don't want to be around you or talk to you or have anything to do with you and that isn't holding a grudge that is just me simply setting boundaries and not taking disrespect from someone who doesn't see how they are doing something that's in the wrong or even hurtful for that matter or even caring about others feelings

    HOLD PEOPLE ACOUNTABLE FOR THE WAY THEY TREAT YOU!!!!!

labor story

my first pregnancy was a easy i was only sick for the first three weeks and then i wasn't now for labor that was a whole different story... first off i was in active labor dilated to 4cm and the doctors still wouldn't take me so i was like that for a month.. a whole fucking month i was miserable i went in maybe twice a week because i couldn't sleep and i was in so much pain. till one night i went in at like 9pm and got out at 2 am and was in so much pain i couldn't sit down i couldn't stand nothing i was on my hands and knees in my shower with hot ass water having contractions and in labor from 3 am to about 9 am when i got to the hospital they told me i did dilate to 5 cm and they were going to keep me at this time i didn't want any type of meds i was doing it all natural.. the doctor came in and broke my water and in 15 mins i was dilated all the way to 10 cm and it was time to push i pushed without pain meds for 4 hours before i had to do an emergency c section.. and man was them 4 hours long let me to you that. i had my grandma sitting in the room which i didn't want her in there and she was on the phone the whole time talking about she is in labor and shit like that it was disgraceful and annoying and then i had my sperm donor in there i would push and he would walk away and go sit back down and the nurses kept telling him he cant do that and he didn't care then i had my adopted sister in the room and she was holding my other leg and chomping gum in my face and i ended up telling her i was going to punch her in the face if she kept chomping in my ear and then she did it even louder and pissed me off.. but before i even started pushing the nurses were there telling me to do the breathing exercise and the nurse who was doing it just had gotten back from lunch and her breathe stinks so bad i ended up yelling at her telling her i couldn't do the breathing cause her breath stank and that i kept turning my head on her and she said sorry and went and got a mint and then after that all the nurses had mints in their mouths i couldn't help but laugh i ended up telling the nurse sorry because i felt bad and she was like don't worry about it I've been called way worst during delivery and i was like damn. but i didn't have her natural her big ass head was stuck in the birth canal so i had to have an emergency c section and get an epidural and sign all types of paperwork while having contractions... and next thing i know I'm getting cut open while I'm wide awake 7 layers of skin tissue and muscle all to get my daughter out and even then she was still stuck and the doctor told me he delivered over 6000 babies and mine was one of the hardest he had to do and i was shocked. but thankfully she is here now 

would you have a pen pal?

 would you ever have a pen pal? how do you feel talking to a complete stranger? i have thought about having a pen pal before but i never actually did it. I've been watching love after lockup and it has me thinking like all these people just be out here for real messaging random ass people just to message them and then they get married i think that is wild to me. if i was ever to actually get a pen pal i would never let it get to that extent and fall in love with a random stranger if anything i would get a pen pal to be able to write more on my blog about everything it would give me more stories and i could have a few pen pals and make up stories about myself so they wouldn't know who they were really talking to. i almost would take it as an experiment really which is fucked up because they are people and they have feelings but at the same time i just want to know what their stories are and maybe talk about it and see who they are and what they do in life and all that stuff like that and see what is going to happen for them in their lives and see what plans they have and what they could do to make it easier for them and things like that its almost like i want to be a journalist and give these peoples story a voice so they can get out there and be heard even if it is just a few people at  least someone is seeing it and even if its just one person that's one more person that didn't before.

    i think this would be a great idea i will make an email just for that so i dont give out my personal email or information at all. gotta think smart about it 

i will be that neighbor from hell

 I live in an apartment complex that if full of children of all ages and they have random parks all throughout my complex. normally I don't have any problems with my neighbors but today was different. i don't think I overreacted to how I did and I'm proud of myself for not beating her ass. so, my kids and the neighbor kids are playing in the open field next to the park right by our apartment and as the kids are running down to the park this other neighbor's dog comes running at the kids mind you, they are all 7 and under so they aren't that big. they all freeze, and the dog starts to charge my son who is 4 and he is scared of dogs so he took off running this lady proceeds to yell at my son to stop running because he will bite him so i told her if your dog bites my kid i will kill your dog and i fully would too. and then she starts to run her mouth and telling me keep my kids down there and called me a bitch so i told her she is an ignorant cunt and told her that she is supposed to have it on a leash all time anyway when its outside and she want to try saying " want to say that to my face" i said i sure the fuck will and she hurried up inside.. like i know i am acting crazy over this because it doesn't matter if someone's dog is coming at my kid i will be doing or saying something about it and now that she went inside and hit it makes me want to beat her ass even more so now it's like... do i get revenge and fuck her up and her shit or do i turn her into the office to where she gets in trouble that way if they even do anything when clearly she is in clear lease violation. it's just tearing me up what to do because i grew up you don't snitch you handle that yourself but i have kids now and i have to think about my actions and not losing them but at the same time i am such a hot head that i want to go smash her face in with my face and its taking everything in me not to i tried to laugh it up but it keeps bothering me and something will be done one way or another but i am giving myself till Monday to decide what i am going to do because that bitch got the right one now i am going to be making it to where she wished she never moved here..

horny and bipolar thoughts

 why is it even if i have a boyfriend i will have thoughts of other people fucking me or doing nasty things to me? no i dont act on these thoughts even though sometimes i want to i just dont see the point in cheating. i want to have a girlfriend and a boyfriend but idk who would be ok with it but then i just want to have friends that i can hang with and if i want to kiss up on them then i can and no strings attached why is that so much to ask for? is this normal to think like this all the time or is there something wrong with me like i have thought like this for as long as i can remember and i always fight the urges but sometimes i just want to cave in.

let the mind fuckery begin

 for the past three years i haven't been posting what i want or barley saying what i want because i have a stalker and now she has brought 3 of her druggie friends in to watch me as well like come the fuck on and grow the fuck up you pathetic ass bitches. so now i am going to play mind games with them they keep looing at every post i make so i made a post saying i am deleting my social media and made a new one and to hmu to get a new one and in reality i haven't and wont be deleting my stuff i am going to block them and i am going to make all my stuff private so they cant see any of it because they dont know what they just started because im the head bitch in mind fuckery you might be crazy but i am smart as fuck and crazy and you cant beat that you goofy ass bitch so let the games begin and the fact that you wanted to start this again on a double moon oh Hunny how stupid could you be because i have the moon gods on my side and we are preparing to destroy your world don't ever under estimate me i might now show you a reaction but in the background i am working on your worst destruction you will never be able to be me so you need to stop trying because it will ne ver happen you are miserable and surround yourself with miserable ass people like you could never be on my level even on your best day you will always be 10 feet under me i dont like to sound like this but i am better than you and always will be i dont put drugs before my kids or a man and for that you could never be me so step down and find someone else to try and stalk and fuck with because you are wasting your time hoe.

i think she wants me at this point

for the past three years now i have been dealing with this girl who is dating my kids sperm donor. she has showed more interested in me than my baby daddy has to his own kids. she has gone out of her way to not only stalk me on social media but she stalks my family my boyfriend even people on my social media who comment on something i post. ive blocked at least ten of her accounts and that wasnt even the one including where she made a fake account using mine and my daughters middle names for the name on the profile. i figure if i kept blocking her and not responding she would go away. well did i think wrong this bitch started to have her friends start stalling me and harassing me. she would make up stories that weren't even true. like saying she tried to fight me and i ran away when in fact i called her out face to face and she just stood there doing nothing. i don't want to fight her over my baby daddy because truthfully she is his karma and i think its funny they deserve each other but i want to fight her for her stalking me and talking down on me and making up crazy stories to tarnish my reputation. like saying i opened up cards in their names when i never did and then saying i spent all the money and this and that when i never did a thing because why would i need to when i work. so i ignore her. then she finds my number not once but three different times so i had to change my number because she would message me every day sometimes multiple times a day on different fake numbers just saying crazy off the wall shit that would truly make me laugh threating to reopen a court case that has nothing to do with her and she is slow because the case was never closed so for her to say reopen made me giggle because i knew she didn't have a clue on what she was talking about and she was talking out her ass... but that isnt even the worst she has told me she knows where i live and she is coming for me yet she never shows up when i tell her she can get her ass beat but she never shows up just talks shit over the internet. and every time i post anything it never takes more than five minutes for her friends to view my post and then one minute later here she comes to view it never a day goes by that she doesnt view everything i post on social media yet she says im the stalker who is obsessed with her. like come on now hun i have you blocked i don't respond to you because even your family says you cant believe anything she says because she even faked a whole pregnancy saying she was pregnant with twins and had her whole family believing it and gave her a baby shower all for it to be all made up in her head. she is quit delusional and needs mental help.. i honestly think that she is fixated on me and is stuck with stalking me one because she is insecure and two because she is a drug addicted and ive been told by many people that when someone is a crack and coke head like they are they can get hyper fixated on one thing or person and it will tend to consume every free moment of their lives. and i truly believe that she is fixed on me in such an unhealthy manner to the point i want to tell her damn bitch if you wanna eat my pussy just tell me cause this stalking shit isnt healthy and is a big charge and prison time with everything youve said and threatened but she will never learn and continue to do this till she is probably dead and yes it is draining but i will just let karma do her work because they have whats coming to them ten folds that she does to me.

just a thought

have you ever just sat there and wondered what it would be like to live in a different world with a different life plot? like i read a lot of books and it always makes me wonder like what if these place are actually real somewhere just waiting to be discovered again and we think we are only using our imagination when in reality we are actually pulling these memories from past lives because they are trying to wake us back up to reality? like what if its all true with witches and werewolf's and vampires and everything they ever said was just made up? i think its not made up and that people aren't opening their eyes and are covered by a shield that is blinding them from who and what everything is around them. 

NO must not me NO

 it always seems to be a debate on when someone says NO do they really mean it.... this has been going on for generations all over the world where women fear for their lives because when they tell certain "men" no they don't take it as no and more as a challenge. they act like its a game they are going to win no matter what even if the girl says no. this could be from sex to a hug, to a text. it could be literally anything, and it seems like the ones who don't take NO as an answer are the ones who think they cant be stopped even by the law.. and lets be real the law anymore doesn't help they just make it easier for the perp to get away with acting unmorally. 

    so what does a girl have to do now a days? we change our numbers we sometimes even move. sometimes we have to even quit our jobs or get on another shift. other times we have carry a gun, pepper spray, knives, safety keychains to the point were most women don't even want to leave their homes. we shouldn't have to go to such extreme levels to protect ourselves after we already said no. 

    social media doesn't make it any better though. yes you can go and delete someone but doesn't mean they cant still message you, so you go to block them and think ok now i will be at peace.. hahaha jokes on you because they just added you on another one of just many profiles they have. so now you have to worry every day about being stalked and worrying if one of these random accounts are theirs or their friends and family stalking you for them not realizing how much stress they are putting on you all because you told someone no

    it is sad to say but it is easier to just to leave one of there accounts unblocked so they can stalk without thinking you know when you really do know and you just keep a paper trail so you can finally do something about it.

a glimpse of the past (trigger warning very detailed and about sa)

 when i was younger my feelings weren't acknowledged or even mattered for that fact. if i was to show any type of emotion or try to explain myself i was beat. and when i say that i cant even count anymore how many times i was punched in the face by my own father. or when he beat me so hard with his hand to were it hurt him so he would grab his belt and beat me harder to were i had to sleep on my stomach for a week. i remember one time i tried to run away and he tackled me down in the yard and dragged me back to the house and beat me to were my own stepmom was crying and begging him to stop. every day he found a reason to hit me. i always knew he didn't want me because he made it very clear. he had me when he was seventeen and my mom was eighteen. they never worked out because he was abusive and from her past trauma it was too much for her and she turned to drugs and at the age of seven i was taken from my mom and into my dad's custody where my worst hell began. i cant recall my age but i can recall the event clear as day. i was young i know that and i remember i was wear bib overalls with a Disney character shirt under it and i had my hair in pig tails. my aunt's boyfriend at the time was staying with her in the house where i lived. i knew that there wasn't something wrong about him and that day i  found out what it was. i was laying in the room watching a movie with him behind me and my cousin was laying on the floor. i remember him grabbing my hand and making me feel his dick and it was all wet and sticky and i didn't know what it was and i was nervous. i didn't say anything as he made me stroke him and he unbuckled my overalls and stuck his hands in my vagina and started to rub my clit and stick his fingers inside one me i remember him pulling my pants all the way down and him rubbing his dick against my back as he kept his hand on me and his other hand on my hand stroking his dick. after that i don't remember what happened all i remember was getting told dinner was done and i know when it started the movie just started and when dinner was done the movie credits were going. but that wasn't the last time it happened from the age nine to the age twelve i was sexually assaulted by my own grandmother's boyfriend. i would be playing with babydolls and he would come up behind me and tell me i can give you a real baby and would lock the door pull my pants down and eat me out he would have me ride him till he got off. and tell me i was a good girl and he would always tell me i couldn't tell anyone because i would get in trouble and he would take me swimming and take me out to eat all the time and give me money anytime i needed it. he kept doing it till i started my period he would randomly come up to me and eat me out every day that i was there even multiple times a day to were i became addicted to sex and we did it a lot to the point i craved it and once he found out i was having sex with other people when i turned sixteen i could tell he was mad and that he didn't like that because of the looks he would give me. i never told anyone because i felt guilty and i knew no one would believe me anyway because they all thought i was a troubled kid with issues and had a lying problem when in reality i was screaming for help and no one saved me no one was there for me instead they pushed me out and i became the black sheep of the family. and this all happened before i was even thirteen my childhood was stripped from me and then i was beat every day till i turned sixteen and my father kicked me out of his house and i never looked back. every time i look at my whole family all i see is the trauma i endured that no one saved me from and i cant forgive them for them but i have to forgive them for myself to be able to hear. i just want to be heard and this is the first time i speak my truth even if its anonymous at least i am getting it off my chest because holding something in like this for so long truthfully kills you from the inside out and breaks you down more and more every minute of the day. to this day i am still trying to heal and overcome the things i still don't talk about but today is the day i start to open up because i deserve the closer even if i give it to myself. i am healing and learning to love myself even if no one else can see it i have changed so much in the years that have passed and became and becoming a better person because i deserve it.

playing with fear

 have you ever made friends with someone and only reason you stayed friends was because you used their fears against them? no.. are you sure you haven't? really sit there and think real hard about it. because i bet you that you have and you haven't even realized it .. we all have truthfully one way or another just some people are aware they are doing it while others are blindly doing it. you always see in movies how the bad guys us a trauma bond to make the people stay with them because they themselves are afraid of being alone. so they use the other persons fears and torcher them till they don't need them anymore and they find their next victim... i have a friend just like this and even when you tell them how they are acting they act like you are in the wrong for telling them they are being a bad person. they try to make you feel bad for calling them out on their actions because they never take responsibility and try to blame me for how they feel once i tell them i am not ok with the way you are treating or talking to me. they begin to start to gaslight and try to act all types of crazy and put on a show and make post on social media directed towards me but wont tag me in them and its threats clear as day and they laugh at it as its a joke that the way they are acting is not acceptable and trying to make me feel crazy in the long run. but that's not even the worst part they will post threats and all types of crazy post and that same day message me as if they did nothing wrong and i was just making it all up in my head which is scaring that they are that disconnected with reality that they think that can do that and i would still want to be their friend it is mind boggling because if they were really my friend than my feelings would have been taken in consideration and they never were from the .beginning it was always about them and that's how it only could be. they would even go as far as threating people who wanted to be my friend all because they didn't want to share my attention to where even if i was to get a message from someone else they would make a big deal about it and start saying uncalled for things about me that weren't even true and start making stuff up in their head and trying to force them to be true and trying to force me to agree they are true when infact they are far from the truth.. i could never tell if they were just that fucked up in the head or if something else was going on to where they wanted me all to themselves and no one else could even talk to me it was sickening to say the least and very draining because they could have other friends but i better not think about it otherwise it's like their crazy side showed to were you didn't know if you were even safe for your life because that's how insane this person would act and even when i would try to stop being their friend it would tend to get worst don't ask me how because i don't know all i know is it got even more toxic and i feel like it will never end because they don't care when i say we aren't friends anymore they laugh at me like i just told the best joke they ever heard in their lives.... i feel like i will never be able to be free from this person no matter the extent i would go they wouldn't care and would still continue to make my life a living hell 

homeschooling

 i have decided that i am going to be homeschooling my kids this year. this will be the last month will be their last month in regular school. the school system we have now is so fucked up and they are failing our kids more than they are helping them and even the teachers will tell you that as well. which is sad as hell because you would think they are getting a good education, and they aren't.         

    my family is against me when i have brought it up in the past and they told me i would be failing my kids and i would make them be the weird kids and all that and had nothing but all negative shit to say to me and it really got into my head and i kept my kids in school when i knew i didn't want to and i went against my gut feeling all because i kept never hearing the ending of how i would be making a bad choice so i decided to do what i wanted to do in the first place and just not tell them because at the end of the day they are my kids and what i pick to do for them in their lives is totally up to me. im tired of letting my family control me and dictate everything i do in life all because they don't think what i am doing is right even though what they have done wasn't right either they still did it. im tired of my family always looking down on me so therefore i won't be telling them about the kids being homeschooled because it isn't their business. i feel like my kids will grow and become amazing humans that they are already starting to become and i think that homeschooling for us is safer in the long run and will be more helpful since i know how my kids learn and there won't be 20 more kids trying to get attention to get help or distracting my kids from their learning because others can't control themselves. also let's not forget that 8 to 10 hours a day of school is just way too much for their little minds i don't understand why they try to push for such long days when homeschooling is literally only mandatory for up to 5 hours max that's it so why do public schools go for so long?? its overload for their minds and they tend to forget 95 percent of what they learn in that one day.

setting boundaries

 i like to help everyone the best that i can... and i know the few people that i do tend to help they are grateful for it but lately its been feelings like more of a chore than anything... it's to the point anymore that the person doesn't even ask me if i can help they just automatically assume that i will drop everything and help them. like i get it you need help with something but that doesn't mean you just demand it.. i want to stop helping because i feel disrespected but i know if i stop helping them like they want then i will be the one who is the bad guy which sucks because it's like you can't just message me and tell me i am going to be doing something or you and then not even ask if i can do it.. like yeah you beat around the bush asking my plans and things like that but even when i tell you it's like you could care less and start making plans over what i have already made. and it lowkey pisses me off to the extreme because how can you be so inconsiderate of others when you are wanting to just use them for one a place to go or two a ride somewhere it gets to the point where people don't even want to bother to help because it isn't even helping them anymore. so, from now on i am done helping people because no one seems to help me when i am in need its always i can see what i can do or i don't know i am not feeling the best. it is always some type of excuse when i am in need and i am truly over it because why you got to be a stuck up bitch and think it should always be about you and when it comes to you you want people to jump for you but when someone needs something for you you take your time because you don't care. and truthfully helping you drains me because I've never in my life have seen someone with so little motive to want to help themselves instead you use all your energy on making excuses instead of stop depending on others to figure out your life... you wont always have someone to help you because at this point you are more worthless than the people who stand on the corner begging for help and money because at least they are out doing something. 

shitty friendships

why do i feel guilty when i want to stop being someone's friend? why do i feel like i need to keep being their friend when it drains me emotionally and mentally and physically.... why cant i just say fuck you. you are so toxic for me and you actually make me digress in my healing journey than you think. im tired of you thinking you are the only one helping me when in reality you dont help me at all you make things worst for me and more stressful than needs be. but when i try to not be your friend you start to because someone who is so obsessed with knowing my every movement because you cant get in touch with me. to where is makes me sick to my stomach that someone can act the way you do and see no wrong in it.. you say you understand but when i am trying to set boundaries you act like it is a joke and it makes me hate being your friend even more. and its not that i feel guilty not wanting to be your friend its more of a fear of what you might try to do or how you will act out once i fully block you out of my life i know you are never truly gone. you will go out of your way to stalk me on fake accounts you go out of your way to make up stories to people so they will start to stalk me for you not knowing that your actions are the main reason i am hiding from you and blocked you from everything.. you will make people feel sorry for you but it was all just a plan you have made up.. you play as you are dumb and dont understand when you are full aware that you could legit get arrested for the things that you have done and then think you can get away with it by forcing me to be your friend or you will start to act insane... you have admitted to stalking me and being obsessed with me and when i block you on everything you still make  up new fake accounts to try and message me to the point to where i have called the police to report you even if haven't done anything physically it doesn't mean you aren't capable of it because at this point you have created a lot of stories in your head that aren't even true that's why you try and act like you are my boyfriend when you know i have one and i have told you time and time again that i am not interested in you but you don't take no as an answer and people like you should be locked up... people like you aren't a good friend you are a predator who has an unhealthy obsession with me to where I've changed my number because of you and even moved without telling you my apartment all because you are overly weird and everyone sees it and says it for fuck sakes even your own family calls you out on it and its sickening that you just laugh at the fact you torture me and flare my ptsd you are sickening and need mental help.... i no longer want to be your friend and i will no longer let you make me feel bad or scared to not be your friend. p.s. i fucking hate you  

if i had two.

 have you ever thought about having two lovers? ever wonder what it would be like? if jealousy would hold a big part in the whole relationship? well I have put a lot of thought into it and I have come up with the best way to have two and enjoy each one separately without making anyone jealous. you want to know how? well get ready and sit down because I am about to blow your mind away with this one.

    it all started about a year ago when i got my first boyfriend. right there i knew that i was happy but i knew that just one person wasn't going to be able to make me happy after so long so from the start i kept hinting at an open relationship or a throuple. my boyfriend would talk about the idea and say he didn't know how he felt about them till i made him go into why and he couldn't come up with an answer soon enough i had convinced him that if he truly loved me and wanted me to be happy, he would do this for me and if he wanted to do the same i was more than ok with it. you have to have a lot of trust to be able to do this though it isn't for the faint of heart. and if you think you can do this and hide who you are fucking behind your boyfriend or girlfriends back than it will never work out. trust me i know I've done that before in a different relationship.     

    you see i try to mold the perfect boyfriend someone who lets me be happy with what i want in life and doesn't try to change me for who i am because they liked something different when we started dating. i will fully tell you when you are in the wrong and i will forever tell when i am interested in someone else and i will be up front on my feelings and i want you to do the same. don't think that your feelings aren't valid and if you don't agree to something doesn't mean we can't talk about it and come up with some common ground and figure out a game plan because we are a team at the end of the day and we work together not against each other.

    if you are honest with what you want from the beginning than it shouldn't come to a Suprise to your partner when you tell them what you are wanting to do and your needs i have even expressed to my boyfriend that i would like to talk to multiple people but only fuck him and one other person all for the fact that i love the attention i am receiving. if i am just with one person i dont feel like they can give me enough attention that i need so i like other men to shower me with gifts and money and lift me up by telling me all the things i am or what i can be. yes a big part of this is because i do suffer from bipolar and there are studies showing that they will never be able to work out in a normal relationship because all the reassurance i ask for gets to be to much for just one person and then tend to push away so therefore i get my reassurance from others who make me feel so good about myself i get so horny and it makes me want to fuck everything and that's when i go to my  boyfriend and he gets the benefits of other people hyping me up the way he cant and if i want to fuck my other partner i will but i am going to be trying to fuck all of them very soon. 

p.s. this is all plot twist some is true and some isnt if you have questions feel free to ask me.

to know when its time.

i met this girl when i was fifteen. i cant really remember how we actually met but i know one day we did and we clicked like we had known eachother our whole lives. for awhile we did everything together

. if you seen me than more than likely you would see her right next to me. we acted more like sister than friends and i would even call her mom "mom". to be fair she was like everyone's mom and she wasn't afraid to yell at you and tell you when you were fucking up. she always looked out for you and truthfully i think i stayed friends with emma as long as i did was because of her mom. emma and i would get into argument quiet often. it normally would be over little petty things because emma wasnt that good of a friend when she had more than one friend. 

    we would be perfectly fine and then she would start to go hangout with some girls that were both our friends and then some that where just her friends. i was ok with her hanging with other people because then it gave me time to go and spend time with my other friends, since she didnt like hanging out with my other friends but i had to hang with her and her friends even if i wasnt a big fan of them. right there i should of seen a red flag beause who can only have one friend at a time. it seemed that almost evetime she would go hang with her friends she would start to act different towards me and be short and have an attitude. i didnt pay it much mind because she had mood swings like no other. then one day one of her friends that she had gotten into an arguement with messages me and running her mouth asking what my problem is with her and saying we can handle it if need be. first off a bitch had some nerve to message me on some ruthless shit because i didnt have any care in the world and i went off on her for even messaging me running her moutht to me for no reason. well little to my suprise there was a reason my friend emma got into an arguement with her and then brought me in it without even telling me and trying to throw me under the bus. i wasnt about to let that happen. i made a group chat and put my friend on blast to see what was the deal and what was being said. the whole time my friend was sitting there running her mouth telling his girl that i wanted to fight her and all types of stuff when ive never even once talked about this girl barley even knew her name. once that group chat was made my friend got real quiet and could see everything that was being said and then tried to deny it so her friend she was arguing with sent all the screen shots and was like so what were you saying and i was like ohh shit and then my friend said sorry to bringing me in her drama and i should of seen the red flags there but i didnt instead i stayed friends with her after all her friends said she was two faced and fake as fuck...... p.s. i should of listened to them and saved myself like 15 years of a gaslighting bestfriend.

its ok... {trigger warnings}

its ok that you are scared to be around other people, when you have never felt safe around them before. its ok to tell someone NO. what's not ok is not listening to someone when they tell you no. its not ok to tells someone you will be ok it is just our little secret. 

    it started as any other day. i was outside playing waiting for my grandma to come pick me up from my house so i could go spend the weekend over at her house. i was about eight years old at the time. I didn't notice anything different or how the energy has changed in the house every time my grandma would leave me at her house alone with my step grandpa. i noticed that i was the only grandkid that he would take and do things with. we would go swimming, to the park, shopping, and out to breakfast every weekend. you wouldnt of thought anything of it because it looked any normal grandparent and grandkid together. but that was far from what was going on. once i turned 8 years old my step grandpa started to rape me. he would say slick things when i would be playing saying i can give you a baby, i know you like playing with you baby dolls... and then he would start to touch me pull my clothes off and eat me out he would make me ride him and touch him and he would always tell me that it was our secret and not to tell anyone because than i would be the one getting in trouble. so i never said anything and it went on till i turned 13 and started my period. he raped me for years. everytime i was there he did something to me and would always agree to have my grandma leave me there alone that he didnt have a problem with it.. of course not you sick fuck because you were getting your rocks off and the sad part about it was i think that my grandma knew and didnt say or do anything about it.. i am sparring the details on alot that happened but it seemed to only happen to me none of the other grandkids.... why me? what did i do so bad for me to have to get my inacents taken away by a montser

can someone save me from me

 i have been struggling like no other lately. ive noitced that i have been pushing people away and being mean to the people that have only been helping me. i also noticed that even touch makes me want to freak out and lose my shit. ive dyed and cut my hair gave myself a whole make over all because i was sad and i feel stuck and lost in a hell that is on repeat that i cant get out of... why cant i help myself??? why can i give everyone else the best advise but when it comes to myself listening to it i never do because for some reason my brain is like telling me i dont deserve to be happy and i dont deserve to have anything good happen to me. when i know that isnt true and im letting my trauma over power my brain and make it hard for me to even want to wake up in the morning. it makes it hard to even get the motivation to eat food anymore. i know that that isnt good but my boyfriend makes me eat at least dinner. ik that my stress and ptsd have been flarring up extremly bad to where i wake up in the middle of the night crying and freaking out to where it ruins my whole week. my ptsd is getting so bad to the point every night i am having nightmares and waking up in a panic attack becasue my nerves are on ten. its gotten to the point im throwing up because of the stress and all i wanna do is scream for help but its like when i do no one hears me and i am all alone all over again dealing with the trauams i onces pushed out my brain to help cope with life. and now it is coming back in tenfolds hurting me even more. i hate that it makes me self sabbotage myself because all i want is to be normal and not have to tell myself i am worth loving and i am worth being here and i have a purpose because lately its been hard finding that purpose.

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I JUST WANT TO SCREAM "LET ME BE HAPPY" "I DESERVE IT"

my unhealthy obsession.

 have you ever just laid there awake wondering what someone was doing? yes i know it is easy to follow people on social media, but have you ever wonder what they are actually doing behind the screens and the mask that they put on daily. or have you ever just fascinated over someone so much that they became your unhealthy obsession. there was this girl that i met on social media of all places. she was pretty cool and down to earth i decided to message her on a whim and hoped she would message me back. to my suprise she was sweet and kind and didnt judge me for anything that i told, so we became friends and i told her everything and because she didnt judge me i started to have a mir crush on her. knowing that it would never go anywhere because she has made it clear that we are friends quite often. i love being her friend but in my mind i can see us as so much more than friends only if i could get her to see it the same way. i would drop little hints here and there to see if she picked up n them. she never really would bring up my jestures but i could tell she new because of her facial expressions. you could tell anything i did for her she was greatful and always said thanks and i didnt need to keep giving her things. but thats just it i wanted to buy her everything, i wanted to give her everything, i wanted her to see that i could provide for her and she wouldnt haver to worry. yet for some reason she wont let me. i wont give up on her thought.

    its been six months now and i feel like i am making progress with her. we are on face time daily, even multiple times a day. she even will call me while she is at work just to vent about something that happened or just any drama or tea as she calls it. i always seem to chuckle a little every time she says do you have your tea glass ready. i listen to all types of things. anything really just to hear her voice i dont think she realizes the affect she has on me or maybe she does and im just blinded by her that i will let her use me in anyway possible because she has all the strings and im her puppet. i never would admit that to her but sometimes she gave me the vibes that she new. 

eight long months have gone by and i finally got the courage to ask her out on a date. she told me she was sorry but couldn't date me because she needed to focus on herself and her mental health and didn't want to feel like she was dragging someone down with her while she is figuring herself out in the process. i was heart broken to say the less. but when she looked at me and told me you are my bestfriend and will be here for the rest of my life why would i want to ruin that with some silly little relationship that would never last. but how would she know if it wouldnt last, she hasnt even given it a try. what was so wrong with me that she didnt even want to give it a try? i noitce she started to distance herself from me after i had asked her out and i understood that so i tried to give her her space, but it was hard for me. i caught myself going to all her social medias and looking to see if she posted anything new. i was always the first to comment or heart her things. she started to post less so i thought till i noticed she had blocked me. that is when i lost it how could she block me after everything i have gave to her and after i listened to her for hours. she needed me she was just acting like she didnt. 

i ended up making some fake accounts to watch her and see how she was doing since she didnt want to speak to me at the time i just sat back and watched for another six long months. she would end up finding my accounts i was using and i would have to make new ones she eventually went as far as blocking all my family and friends that she knew would help keep an eye on her for me. when i found out she did that it lit a rage inside of me like no other. why didnt she want me to see what she was doing? was she talking to someone else? if she was i would find out and make sure i put an end to it once and for all because she was meant to be with me and no one else. no one could treat her as she needed to be treated no one could take care of her like i did. 

its been its been eighteen months now and i am finally unblocked only to be freaked out on and threatened with the police for stalking. but i told her i was just worried about her and needed to know if she was ok because if i didn't know it would drive me mad and insane. she told me i needed help and that till i fix my shit that i can't speak to her anymore. i left it at that and didn't message her for another few weeks, but once i did i wouldn't of ever thought i would of read what she texted me. 

I've known my friend now for a little over two years and she has never brought up men before or anything like that to me i think she just tries to ignore the men topic but she is always asking me if i have found a girlfriend yet and i soon found out why. she has had a boyfriend for a good eight months or more and she hid it from me. how the fuck did she hide him when i seen everything she posted? i watched every single mintue to were for days i wouldnt even leave my study for days on end and here she is out being a whore with some random dude she barley even knows. how could she know that she wanted to be with him and that he was good for her? it was like she would give herself to anyone as long as it wasn't me.  

i have been hiding how i really feel about her having a boyfriend because i cant lose her. i already did once for six months and it damn near killed me inside. so i have been just waiting for him to mess up and her to push him to the side. its been over two years now since i have known her and one thing i can say about her is she doesnt keep a boyfriend very long. they either use her for her body, or her money and waste her time. she isnt going to find her perfect match because that is me. i just have to sit watch and wait for her to realize that i have been the one who has always been here for her. i tell her randomly that i am talking to a female just sto see her reactions. she always seems to be happy and tells me finally now dont run her off in a joking manner and i wonder if she is just saying that to hide her true feelings for me or if that is how she feels is ahppy that i am giving my attention to someone else or is she is jealous but just smiles to not show it because she is still dating the same guy. if you ask me i wouldnt of seen them lasting more than a month and they are about on their one year anniversary which is wild to me because i have planted so many little seeds in her head that she deserved better and that i spoiled her more than her own boyfriend and that i was always there for her. 

it must of not of sat well with him because she has started to talk to me less and now she has blocked me on some social media but i wonder if they realize im not blocked on everything and i can still see what sghe is doing and posting. this time i wont like any of her stuff though just so she doesnt see that i am still watching her like i always will watch her. because no matter how many times she tries to get away she will never get to far. i will always find her and watch her and wait for her.

my blog

 when i first started this blog i really was going to use it as an escape and to vent about what i have been dealing with, and to maybe help with my mental health. back in 2021 my ex tried to kill me and i have been fighting with mental health issues even more than i was before this happened. i already was struggling with my bipolar and ptsd and having to raise two kids on my own with no friends or family. so i came on here to help vent and get off my chest some of things and i ddint think anyone would actually think that anyone would find these but come to my suprise people did. 

then i started to write stories abou things that have happened in my life and others lives that i del with on a daily basis i end up changing the names, so it hides there true idientiy because i dont want to expose anyone. but when i started to wrtie like that it brough back how much i forgot that i love to write. it is my esape from my reality and since it has helpoed me over come alot in the past year or two i am deciding to pick back up on writing and i am planning on writing a book that i have randomly been working on for the past month now. it has come along pretty well but still has far to come. i am going to start posting a new chapter every tuesday and thurdsay till the book is compeletly out. i use to write stories like this when i was back in school i use to wrtie all types of stories all the time and many of my teachers told me to never give up because i have potential but i never seen it so i gave up on myself. but now that i am trying to figure out how to be myself and not just a mom i have picked back up on my wriritng. i never knew i could miss something that gives me so much comfort and satisfaction writing and rereading it to see how far i have come. i truly cant wait for you all to read my book that i am working on. i know it wont be for everyone but for the ones that it is so thanks for supporting me and following me on his journey we have already imbarked on. 

i will also end up posting on other days about little stories that i am working on as well, but i havent decided yet just going to go wtht he flow and feel free to share my stories it would be doing me a great favor. love all of my supporters. 

my name is zuri.

 hey everyone my name is zuri and i am going to talk about my life and the friends i have made in the past five years. little back story i live in england and my main bestfriend she lives in australia. zuri and her bestie ava talked every single day. basically unless they had something going on where they could video chat, so they would send updates throughout the day on what was going on and how they were feeling that day. {zuris point of view} i randomly met ava through a mutal friend one day and at first i was just sat back and watched everyone mingle. i was really trying to catch avas vibe to see if we would clash or get along. to my suprise she was laid back and seemed to get along with everyone we ere around at the time. it seemed that no one had anything bad to say about her when i asked around. they all told me she was a really good friend and had a goofy personaility. with that being said i asked our friend that we shared in common what avas snapchat or facebook was so i could add her and see if maybe she wanted to hang with us later that weekend because a couple of us girls were going out for some coffee and shopping. i ended up adding her on facebook and to my suprise she ended up saying yes she would love to come and i figured this would be  good way to start up a new friendship since my bestfriend had moved out of town a few weeks before and i have been a couch potatoe ever since. when i added her i seen she was from aussie bu she comes here to england every few months to spend time with her dad since her mom and dad split when she was tweleve. ava said she didnt really mind it because all they did was fight and argue about everything. didnt matter how big or small it was they seemed to find everything wrong with eachother that ava ended up staying at friends most of the time to avoid the toxicity in her own home. once they got divorced her dad wanted to get as far away as possible but that wasnt the best for ava becasue she was always traveling back and forth and since she is always coming and going she had to get homeschooled so it shrank her social life like crazy and just made her main friends whenever she could when she would be visitng. hence how we met trough bailey. bailey was techically her cousin but they were more like the bestfriend you could ever ask for. me and ava soon became glued to the hip and did everything together. it started out with a couple of us girls and bailey of course he came along because there wasnt much else to do. then as the time went on it just ended up being me and ava hanging out on our own all the time. i didnt mind it at all because at this point we have become bestfriend and telling eachother everything even if it was a little too much detail sometimes. but that is what was making our friendship stronger. we knew everything about eachother and have been through so much together and over come so much with the help of eachother. we thought when she would go back to hers we were dying because we were so apart. i could only imagine our phone bills if we didnt have unlimited text and data because we were on the phone every second of the day till she came back to her das. then we were togther everyday. basically if you saw me ava wasnt to far behind. some people asked us how we didnt get sick of eachother. i cant lie sometimes we did get annoyed with eachother and had our little fights but they never lasted very lng till we both cave and say sorry because it didnt mean anything. youd say we both grew found of eachother where we felt like if we wernt together we felt like we had a piece missing from ourselves. now lets jump forward a few years. we have had many fights and non talking weeks and one time two months.. that was the longest we didnt talk. but we ended up becoming friends again but this time ava was different. i didnt pay much mind to ava and her acting werid we have been through so much that sometimes one of us gets in a funk. but this was different than getting in a funk i have noticed that when me and ava hangout with friends she starts to get mad and jealous when i am talking to someone else and interupts every time i am talking to someone else. i brought it up to ava and she said she was sorry she didnt mean to its just sometimes she doesnt like to share her bestfriend. i totally understand because sometimes i just want me and my bestie time where we go do things and rant about everything and everyone who is bothering us. ava said yeah it is sorta like that, but my feelings are a little stronger than besties anymore. i laughed it off because i didnt think she was serious and i fiigured she was going through one of her phases that she got over in a week.. i should of took her serious because it has ended us where we are today. ava would start saying some things that would make me feel uncomfortable and would comment on my appearance with sexual manner which i told her on many different ocassions that i didnt like when she would say things like that to me and seh would always say sorry and say she wouldnt do it again yet it seemed like she was always doing it no matter how many times she said sorry. i ended up slowly distanting myself from her. we didnt hangout as much anymore and i blammed it on work and dealing with school. i told ava i was trying to figure out my life and even make time to eat or even sleep for that matter. she seemed understandable at first and gave me my space.  yes dont get me wrong we would still text off and on basically every day, but if i would go more than a half day without messaging her or replying back to her in a timily manner. she would end up calling my phone back to back and once she realized i wasnt going to answer she would start to text me first it would be "hey are you ok just checking on you havent heard from you all day, just making sure you are still breathing." i would message her back and say "yes im breathing but barley living lmao." then i would get back to what i was doing and i would hear my phone ding i just ignored it because i needed to focus thing all the sudden i hear. ding..ding...ding..ding..ding.. and so on i figured it was an emergency with that many text, but was i so wrong it was her freakng out on me because i wasnt messaging her back and i turned off my location so she couldnt see where i was and she was freaking out about that as well. i told her "ava i think it would be healthy if we both took some time to ourselves and focused on oursleves for a little bit because i am just overwhelmed with life." ava seemed to be understanding and told me to message her when i am feeling better and clear my head. i was thankful for her getting that i just needed time. well ava had other agenda rathe than leaving me alone she started to stalk all my soical media and then would randomly show up all hours of the day and night and just watch my housee. i even caught her a couple times following me and i had to tell her at this point ava you are stalking me and i am starting to feel unsafe. ava looked at me all confused and said all she was doing was looking out for me to make sure i am safe. i told her thank you but you are the only one making me feel unsafe. after than ava went mia for about a week or two. i was out to eat with bailey, avas cousin, and we were just catching up and talking about our school majors and what was going on in our lives. ive always had a crush on bailey but i never told him because after ava and i became best friends i thought it would be wrong even though ive known bailey way longer. when we were eating our food we didnt notice that ava came in to the resturant. and it didnt take long to notice she was there. all the sudden i hear ava saying " oh so you dont have time to hangout with me because you are busy with school and work, yet you can make time for my fucking cousin are you kidding me? we are suppose to be bestfriends we should be hanging out not you and a dude." bailey and i looked at eachother looked at her and then looked at eachother again. at this point i didnt know what to say to ava because she has crossed the lines so many times it was like she went from being my bestfriend to my obssesive  stalker who i barley knew anymore because she didnt act the same when we first became friends and i didnt know what had come over her anymore. bailey ended up standing up and looking at ava and told her that her fantasy obssesion had of me needed to stop because it wasnt healthy and that me and bailey were talking to be more than friends because we both like eachother and we had to go behind your back because you act like a jealous girlfriend who wont let zuri do anything. this made ava snap off and flip on everyone she then confessed that she did fall in love with zuri and that if she couldnt have her than no one was going to and she would make sure of that. bailey looked at me and said come on we are leaving i dont want you around her when she is acting like this your safety is at risk at this point so we both left. ava watched us leave and we could see her picking up her phone and calling someone. i didnt really care who she was calling because she was insane, but before bailey could even blink an eye he called his aunt and uncle in a three way and told them how ava has been acting and what she has been saying and doing and they both said she hasnt been on her meds and that zuri nor i were safe as long as she was out there without her meds so they ended up calling the cops and reporting that she is a harm to herslef and others and if anyone sees her to stay away  call them.. im not sure what has happened to her but i do know i will get fake accounts watching and adding me on socail media and a few times she has tried to reach out to me but bailey blocks it before i can even see it because he knows how much truama she has put me through and still to this day bailey tells me sorry for even introducing us.

bestfriends or enemies? part 8

last we chatted lena and cookie were having it out for eachother and then being eachothers friends so much that it was so unhealthy. we are going to speed up time and speak on a little bit of the present so lena and matthew got into that huge arguement and cookie sat back and laughed at her pain like she feed off her loosing her mind. which i understand when you are best friends but hate eachother at the same time and are only friends with eachother because they dont have anyone else at the end of the day they always come back to eachother. but does lena act like a crazy girlfriend rathe than a friend for no reason or is there something we are missing from the story as well. cookie has said that she flirts with lena all the time because she knows it gets her going and then she fucks with her and after she does that and goes on about her day. cookie will go and hang out with people and send pictures to lena of a guy hanging on her and making lena go crazy because she is jealous that cookie is giving her attetion to someone else rather than all to her like she wants. because secretly lena is madily in love with cookie but instead of telling cookie she starts to get mad and jealous and starts to act an asshole way to cookie and cookie gets confused because she doesnt get why she is getting so mad. even though cookie has some ideas but she isnt for certain on them that is why she hasnt said anything to her because she doesnt want her to feel embarressed. cookie continued to do as she please she had a little to much fun than she attended and ended up with a few people in just a short time spand and when she would message lena about it lena would be cold and cookie said what is the matter with you we have always talked to eachother about any guy and lena said idk you only talked about this guy once so i cant help you and then went ghost on cookie for a good week or two and cookie said fuck lena she is a snake ass bitch and then that is when a whole new shit show began. 

the life of sharon part 9

 i know it has been awhile since i have updated you on sharon. as you last read she had gotten kicked out of her cousins and ended up at another one of her boyfriends cousins house katty and terrys house. they told her she would be able to stay there but she isnt aloud to sleep on the couch anymore like she use to. also she has to pay rent and use a what little food benefits she has to put stuff in the fridge. the craziest thing though is that sharon is sleeping in a walk in closet in their spare bedroom. and sharon is perfeclty fine living on the floor without a bed and just blankets as a palate. we know that sharon doesnt like to take showers. oh but thats a big no no in terrys house he makes her take a shower daily or she isnt aloud to be in his house. he refuses to have a fat smell bitch in his house he has quoted many times. sharon would just roll her eyes and continue to scroll on her phone and act like she didnt hear it, yet she would go to other peoples houses and start crying about what terry has said to her and that no one was nice to her and treated her like shit all because they want her to have good hyigene. sharon tried to play the victim roll. everyone she has told the story to told her they agree with terry and that isnt what sharon wanted to hear so she would get a shitty look on her face and start to be all nasty with her attitude at everyone who disagreeded with her because as well all know sharon is always right and no one helps her or cares about her. even when they are giving her every chance in the book. oh ya and before i forget suprising sharon has her job still, probably becasue terry makes her go and she doesnt have a choice if she wants to continue to live in their closet. she is like a big oh harry potter just different if he was under a stair case and she is in a closet in a bedroom.. would you be ok with living in a closet? or would you save up your money and get yourself a place to stay even if it does take most of your pay because at least you know you have a place of your own or sleep in the closet? i think its a no brainer question but thats only me what would you do??

bestfriends or enemies?? part 7

 ring...ring....ring.... matthew is calling lena and she picks up after the fourth ring. she answers saying heyy babe what are you doing. matt didnt even let her finish before cutting her off and said lena we need to talk about some things and i need you to be honest with me and dont lie because i can tell when you are lying. and lena said alright what is it. and matt said " did you fuck anyone else when we were on our break for two months?? lena got quite and didnt say anything for a few mintues now. so matt said hello earth to lena did you not hear me or you just not going to answer? lena then said no she didnt do anything with anyone and that is when matt snapped and said well kyle says otherwise. lena was shocked what she just heard out of matts mouth and told him well yeah i did. matt told her and you didnt think you should tell me something like that? and where you even going to tell me? lena straight up said no i wasnt going to tell you because i am still trying to figure out my feelings. and remind you that kyle is hearing everything just keeping quite and taking it all in. lena tried to play the victim and getting out of it and told matt " well what else was i supposed to do we werent together and you barley talked to me." thats when matt started to yell " maybe you should keep your pussy to yourself and not fuck people maybe thats what you could of done." and lena then tried to blame it on matt for needing space to figure out things matt said " what the hell do you expect my grandpa just died and i need some time to process it and while i am doing that you are throwing yourself at everyone." this made lena mad and she started screaming and cussing telling matt that he never did anything for her in the realtionship and only tried to control her and always took things from her. thats when he told her i never asked you to buy me things i never asked you to spend money i just asked you to spend time with me and actually apply yourself and go to school or get a job stop trying to depend on everyone when you are just turning into your mom. lena got quite because he isnt the first one who has said this to her in the past month. [ back story lenas mom is sharon] lena didnt take very lighty of that commetn and told matt the reason she liked kyle was because he was nice to her and sweet and would buy her food and she made him buy her a stuffy that was over thirty dollars. she didnt care if that was the last of his money or not she still made him spend it. matt just started laughing and said oh he is so sweet and bought you stuff but you dont know anything else about him lena i have known you our whole lives and we been together for over a year i know you better than anyone. even your own family doesnt know you as well as i do. lena agreed that she barley knew him but she was eating up everything kyle would say to her and believed every word of it like a dumb bitch that she is. this is when matt told her you have till the end of the day to decide what you are going to do becasue i am not a choice and once i feel like i am i am out and done. lena of course playing the victim tells matt i am about to throw up and matt said i dont care tell me something else that isnt new you use that excuse anytime anything goes wrong and you dont like the outcome. lena didnt say anything because she knew she was finally caught up in all her lies that she had been telling. cookie and all her friends are happy about what they had just done because karma is a bitch and she was getting what she desevered. and who best to dish out karma than cookie well since she has been through it all. but do you think cookie is more innocent than lena or is lena more innocent that cookie. we are about to get into cookie next... just wait the tea just gets better.

bestfriends or eniemes part 6

 i bet you are wonder what cookie and her friends did to get back at lena for what she has been doing and trying to play it off as she is the innocent one when she is the gaslighter of this whole story. cookie sat back and let her friends get to work as she knows this is their expertise in this department of getting back at a backstabbing best friend. they made a fake account on a platform and found what lenas  ex boyfriend [so we thought at the time] litte did we know when they messaged it asking " hey is this matthew? if so i need to talk to you about lena." matthew answer and said yes this is lenas boyfriend and cookie and her friends were all in shock when they read the message for the simple fact they just seen lena with cookies ex just the other day. the friends ended up telling matthew that they were kyle and that lena has been playing them both and just wanted answers. matthew was dumb founded and started asking questions which therefore "kyle" answered them all honestly. kyle had told matthew how him and lena had been fucking and that lena knew he was in a complicated marriage with on again off again and new that they would never work but lena pursued it because she had the great idea that kyle would end up leaving his wife for her. goofy bitch. matthew was pissed off because lena never told him anything about it in fact she told matthew that he was still the only one she fucked till kyle told him otherwise. the bait was set and matthew took the bite. now all cookie and her friends had to do was sit there and wait to see what had happened. matthew ended up asking to call kyle and he ended up calling even though kyle said his voice was gone matthew said its alright bro just get on here and listen because i am about to confront lena and i want you to hear what she has to say to see if she ends up lying or telling the truth.

bestfriends or enemies part 5

 lena never told cookie and hoped that she wouldnt find out. but someone outed lena for what she had done because she didnt think that lena was a good friend to cookie. lena used the excuse of when they were in middle school lena was dating a boy and they broke up because of cookie and she started dating this boy. so becasue of that lena thought that it was like settling the score when it only really drew a wedge between them. lena was out here doing whatever she wanted and not thinking about anyones feelings not just cookies feeling but for her ex she dated for a year and for the boy cookie and lena both shared at this point. she was telling them all what they wanted to hear not thinking she would get caught up in her actions. but soon everything will be revealed in the most unethical way. once cookie found out about what lena was doing she was pissed and wanted both the boys to know that lena was still talking to the both of them and leading them on for her own sick pleasure. cookie started to take karma into her own hands with the help of a few friends. now dont get me wrong cookie has some baggage of herslef but for now we are telling lenas side of things before we jump down that rabbit hole. so once cookie and her friends all met up they came up with a plan and set that plan right into motion. cookie told her friends about what happened and asked what they think she should do and they both without hesitation told her to expose her for who she really is.. and that is exactly what the friends all did they exposed her in a way that lena would never figure out that it was them. 

bestfriend or enemies part 4

 did lena stop talking to the guy that was cookies ex.. no in fact she did the total opposite. lena told cookie she doesnt speak to him anymore and that she blocked him from everything and then kinda ghosted cookie for a good week. bet you cant guess why lena was ghosting cookie.. because lena had to out do herslef with this one and she met up with this guy and hung out nothing to extreme. lena needed to tell someone that she met this guy and he is so nice to her and is so sweet and she has never been treated this way before so she goes to one of her cousins anbd spills all the tea about meeitng this boy. lenas cousin brian asked her have you even done any investigating on this guy? like do you really believe him look him up on facebook. lena looks at brian and tells him i dont have a facebook so brian takes it apon himself to look up this guy. not only does he have facebook he has two of them with different last names on each of them. but the one thing they have in common is the same picture of the dude and the same town he lives in and the best kicker relationship status: married..... brains jaw dropped and said you arent going to believe this and showed lena. lena looked at it and then said she was going to ask him about it. and that she did. and this dude had the audacity to say that him and his wife are getting a divorce and they havent taken it down from facebook becacuse he doesnt use that account anymore even thought he was tagged that day in family photos with his wife and kids. saying i love my husband and our happy family we are building. what a peice of work man. but it just gets better lena fell for the im leaving my wife skit and bit the hook. lena ended up still meeting up and going to stay with him in another town for a couple of day ands they ended up fucking without a condom even thought she doesnt know if he has anything and only has been talking to him for a few weeks now. lena then started to get attachted to this dude and get really clingy and want to have him to herslef all the time adn she knew she was sharing his time with his wife and she still didnt care she wanted him no matter what she had to do that means be a home wrecker and hurt her bestfriend in the process all so she can get fucked and then ghosted till he decides to finally hit her up when he has alone time away from his wife and gaslight her and lead her on to think that she ever had a shot. while this is all going on cookie is clueless to this all and thinks that lena was back talking to her ex who took her virginty. but little did she know lena was talking to her ex still.

bestfriends or enemies part 3

 once cookie figured out that lena wasnt into girls like she said she was cookie started to talk to other people and so did lena they both ended up finding guys. neither of their boyfriends like the other girl and didnt want them to be friends. this led up to the girls meeting up in secret so no one would get into fights with their booyfriends at the time. cookie was in a loveless abusive relationship that was slowly killing her inside, and for lena.. hahaha she was with someone who only wanted to talk to her when he wanteed to and took her virginity and then ended up breaking up with her a month later. lena and her boyfriend ended up lastesting a little over a year and for cookie she was in her realtionship for a little over three years. they both experienced different things in those years and with those guys they were with. while cookie was trying to escape the nightmare she was living everyday. lena was all cozy at her house talking to a new guy that she claims just met. yet lena is being very secreative about who she is talking to and hasnt even told cookie which is very odd because they always tell eachother everything when it comes to boyfriend drama and who their new crush is. lena would make these mysterious post all the time talking about a boy making everyone wonder who this mystery boy is. all to find out that lena was keeping it such a big secret because the guy is not only knows lenas best friend but dated her for seven years and cheated on her the whole time and wasnt all that gentle when he got mad. yet lena knew everything because cookie use to cry to lena on the phone and lena would sit there and listen like any caring friend would. lena still acted like she didnt have a clue that the guy was cookies ex and tried to play it off as she was stupid to it all. she told her best friend cookie that since she found out it was the same guy she would stop tlaking to him.... 

bestfriendd or eneimes?? part 2

 we last left of with lena basically getting dumbed by her best friend emily.once lena realizes that emily has blocked her on everything she started to panic. once she was askd why emily would just one day up and block her without expanation and all lena could say was i dont know and then put the blame on her mom, because her mom would ask for rides here or there and she said that her mom used emily. when in reality lena was using emily and wasnt being a good friend to emily at all. but if you havent picked up yet lena hates to be alone and so she messages cookie to try and see if they can be friends again. and of course cookie said yes. cookie and lena started to hangout again alot even thought lenas mom wasnt that big of a fan of cookie because she use to bully lena all the time. which what mother wouldnt be mad at that. so lena and cookie would sneak around to hangout so lenas mom wouldnt blow a gasket. soon enough lenas mom was out of the hosue and cookie was able to start coming over without having to sneak her there. they felt like they had some freedom and they did alot in there free time. lena and cookie ended up becoming closer than they were in middle school.they soon started to take showers together, but that isnt to werid because some best firneds do that on a regular. but once they would be in the shower lena would try to get handys with cookie. cookie didnt mind to much because she likes both boys and girls. cookie was just suprised that lena would even be open to it since she was a virgin still. cookie and lena ended up experimenting with eachother. first it started out as heavy petting and kissing and then is started to get more phyical and before you know it cookie and lena are fingering eachother. they never told anyone about it besides a few close friends. lena nevre really spoke about it but when cookie would come over they would flirt with eachother and and kiss and touch eachother lena would get so red in the face and would act shy yet she was the one who would make the first move. they soon made friends with these other two girls and they all got close enough to where the four girls had an orgy. cookie and the other two girls were having fun enoughing themsleves getting eachother off while lena was in the corner just watching everyone and never once got wet. this is when cookie knew that lena ws only faking liking girls. 

bestfriends or enemies?

 to start this story out we will be dealing with two bestfriends and what has been happening in their lives. and you tell me are they best friends or enemies. cookie and lena first met in the fifth grade and have been friends ever since. when they were younger they use to hangout and talk about everything under the sun. they would bond over music and boys of course, what best friends wouldnt gossip about there latest crush.. but we will hold off on the boy topic for now. they use to listen to music and made up dances for every song that they would listen too. once middle school came about cookie started to make more friends while lena just sat in the background. lena never really tried to make any friends and would watch cookie with her new friends and get jealous that they were stealing all the attention away. lena slowly started to feel like they were losing there bond. cookie ended up making some new friends who werent that popular but they werent the nicest people either to be friends with and cookie and lena started to hangout less.. dont get me wrong lena and cookie still have been staying friends even thought they had a little hickup in middle school. that is a normal girl relationship. but then when highschool came, that was a whole other story. cookie became hanging out with these girls in highschool they were the bullies of the school and cookie followed right along in their path. little did lena know that she would be the next vicitm to cookie and her friends. cookie thought that she was cool because she was being mean to everyone so they feared her. but to cookies suprise she was bullied as well for being the fat girl. cookie got hurt in the process because karma came back and bit her in the ass. once cookie got a reality check she started to hang out with lena more and more. cookie at the time was going through a really bad relationship that wasnt helathy nor safe. lena was always there for cookie to lean on and vent to whenever she needed to and cookie was greatful for that. with everything they have been through there bond just grew bigger, or did they?? cookie still bullied lena through highschool and lena just took it because cookie was her only friend and she didnt want to make anymore friends at the time. till one day lena met a girl names emily and they became great friends and lena started to not hangout with cookie as much anymore because she made herself a new bestie. emily would come over and pick lena up all the time and they would go on country crusies and get there starbucks because they was like there daily to do no matter what the weather was like. lena was appriative of emily and everything she has done for her, but then lena started to take advantage of emily and was asking for things every single say. lena ven went to the extent for asking for money for her mom. emily was done with the one sided friendship after a few years and finally decided to call of her friendship with lena and blocked her and her whole family on social media to finally get rid of the burden she use to call her friend. 

The life of a Sharon part 8

     Could Sharon be miserable in life to where if anyone does better than her she has to try and talk down on them? Or could it be Sharon has a hatred for her own daughter? Or does Sharon just hate her own life, she cant find happiness in anything even for others?

    Sharon went to work over the weekend and when she left on Friday she thought that everything was great. Sharon was getting to spend the night with Jeff and partake in their activities that they seem to always do when they get with each other. Little did Sharon know that the way she was going about was actually making Tiffany want to kick her out way sooner than they had planned. Sharon decided she wasn't going to be spending the whole weekend with Jeff instead just one night. Well instead of informing Tiffany she decided that it would be logical to start banging on the doors like the cops at ten o'clock at night while tiffanies kids where asleep from being sick all day and night. And then started yelling Tiffany let me in. Tiffany was baffled and didn't know what to say and wanted to knock Sharon out. She told her never to bang on her door like that again and it was her own fault she was locked out and if she ever did it again she wouldn't let her in. You'd  think Sharon would learn but nope a few days later, and she was doing it again. this time she was banging  on the front and back door while Tiffany and Jake were out of town and tiffany had a sitter. The sitter called around 10 pm again saying sharon was outside banging on the doors and the kids were asleep upstairs.

    Once Tiffany and Jake heard what she was doing they were both heated and headed straight home and started yelling at Sharon outside saying you cant be doing that you're going to end up getting me kicked out. Sharon didn't care she just rolled her eyes and waited for Jake to unlock the door so they could all go in. At this point Sharon has over stepped, over stayed, and over all fucked herself on ever getting help again from Tiffany and she has five days left, what do you think Sharon is going to be doing when she has to finally pay for somewhere to live and pay for all her food and other things she needs to survive. Tiffany highly doubts it and just thinks Sharon will be trying to find somewhere else to live were she can use the person till they have nothing left just like her.

   But I bet you are waiting to hear why Sharon has so much hatred for her daughter. Am I right? You'll have to sit tight that one needs a part all on its own to hold tight because part nine is in the works as you read. 

life of a Sharon part 7

 I didn't think that I would be already writing a part seven, I figured it would be in a week or so but was I wrong. Sharon has out done herself this time around. Not only did sharon call off work all this week. Now she is doing the most, first Sharon has been complaining that she has a UTI and refused to go get it treated because she said they couldn't do anything for her. Tiffany looked extremely confused by this because anytime anyone has a UTI they get antibiotics. So Sharon had been dealing with the UTI for a good solid two months now. Who really goes that long with letting their vagina get stanky and be in pain.    

    Sharon finally came to her senses though because after waking up and throwing up about six times in a row before noon even hit. Sharon called her mom to ask to give her a ride to the hospital because she was in so much pain. Sharon was at the hospital all day til about 8 p.m. Tiffany messaged her around three and asked her if the doctors figured out why she was throwing up and gave her anything for it. Of course Sharon told Tiffany no they didn't figure it out or help her with anything. At this point Tiffany was fed up with Sharon and her lies, because Tiffany knew for a fact that they had to of found something to even be able to send her home and tell her they needed a shit sample from her. 

    Little did Sharon know that she caught herself up in a lie because when she was at the hospital Sharon told Tiffany that they haven't done anything or found anything, yet when she got back to Tiffany's she had a whole different story. Sharon began to tell Tiffany that they gave her morphine and it ended up fucking her up bad and they think she has an infection in her intestines cause she let her UTI go on way too long. But that wasn't all the doctors wanted to do. They wanted her to poop for them and she said she couldn't so she had to bring home stuff to be able to return it to them. But before all that they asked her to take a std test and she refused to even though the doctors told her she has all the symptoms for having one. She looked at the nurse and said no one wants me and no one wants my man I know I don't have an STD and refused to take one. 

    IN all reality the hospital seen how nasty she was and was trying to rule out everything that it could be, but we all know how Sharon is and she kept saying I know my body and I know when something is wrong with me and its not an STD its a UTI. So when Sharon got back to Tiffany's she proceeded to tell her about how the hospital didn't give her any medicine and that they new they wouldn't even tho she has an infection. Which sounded strange to Tiffany but she just shut up and listened. 

    Then Sharon does the most nasty thing instead of putting a garbage back in the bathroom garbage can that she threw up in earlier that day. Nope she just leaves the garbage can and throws her dirty nasty period pad underwear diaper that she wears right in the garbage with nothing in it so it can make the garbage nasty and the bathroom stink like her dirty vagina. Lets also not forget that Sharon has been at Tiffany's for 2 months now almost 3 and she has only taken 2 showers the whole time she has been here. She smells extremely foul and then anything someone rings up showering. Sharon will start to cry and start saying that her dad use to  use a shower as a punishment for her when she was a kid that's why she doesn't take them now. That isn't an excuses anymore because Sharon is in her forties if she was having issues that bad than she should of seeked some professional help not make everyone else suffer around her because of her smell. Instead she will act like she cant smell herself and blame everyone else for the smell. When Sharon knows she smells because Tiffanys toddler even told Sharon that she smelled bad. If that doesn't say something than I don't know what does.

Life of a Sharon part 6

 Now we all have been here reading the life of a Sharon, and we have brought up a lot of information but that's just the tip of the ice burg. Sharon could make it to where I could write a whole novel on her lets be real. But where we last left off Sharon was making Kayla feel bad for not wanting to help her anymore. kayla and Tiffany had endless conversations about Sharon and how to go about her whole personality. That's when Kayla informed her that her Jeff and her siblings were all slowly starting to ignore her and push her out their lives they had to just get everything sorted out before they do so. Because once they do none of them want any communication with her, so that means changing numbers, moving somewhere else, and even just telling everyone they disowned her.

    Yes this may seem harsh but after twenty years of the same bullshit day in and day out everyone would get tired of it eventually. Once Tiffany found this out her and Kayla planned on when they were getting Kayla a new phone and number and when they were all going to go on vacation. Once they figured out the vacation Kayla told Tiffany we can just take my moms things to her moms house and tell her to go pick them up from there and Tiffany agreed with her. Tiffany told Kayla yes so then you wont have to deal with her and her try making you sneak her in and you get yelled at for it. They both laughed about it all and said it was pathetic they had to even do this.

    By now Tiffany is starting to think that Sharon is catching on that she doesn't want her there and brought up about maybe starting to see if the motel has a room there to where she can live there again. Even though she doesn't want to because she wont have enough money to buy what she wants. So of course instead of Sharon maybe looking to pick up more hours or another job she calls her best friend who lives out of state and now is trying to talk her back into moving back to town and them finding a place together. Instead of Sharon wanting to do something for herself she wants her friend to go out of her way and move back with her kids and pay for it all just so she has somewhere to live. Because living off of people is so much easier than living on your own and learning to take care of yourself and responsibilities. Once sharons friend told her she couldn't do that and didn't want to move back to town because she didn't want her family in her business Sharon got all pissy and still tried to push the issue and her friend ended up telling her she had to let her go.

    Will Sharon ever learn? Or will she try to play the victim and a bum for the rest of her life? So far she has not put in any effort on saving for a place she hasn't put in effort on even looking at places to find so she knows she has a stable home and somewhere to feel comfortable and not wanted at? you would think any normal adult would want that but not Sharon. She loves to have everyone do for her what she wouldn't do for them and then think they haven't done enough and talk shit about them once their back is turned.

Life of a Sharon part 5

 As Sharon sits on tiffanys couch none stop talking, and being judgmental. Tiffany sits there and wonders how she could be so rude to comment on how someone looks or their weight for that matter when Sharon is a good 350. It disgust Tiffany how Sharon can just sit there and make the comments she does and sees nothing wrong with it. But what doesn't make sense to Tiffany is when she tells Sharon about something or someone  who is doing good she always has to give dirty looks roll her eyes and make a smartass remark. Like why cant you be happy for someone who is doing better than you in life and not be bitter for once. Sharon has done this at least once a day. She is also talking down on somebody or how she thinks someone should be treating her.

     For insist Sharon everyday seems to always have an issue with what her grown adult daughter Kayla and her life decisions. See Sharon wasn't a good parent by any means. Yes she was there with her kids, but she didn't treat them the way a kid should be treated or talked to. Sharon would talk down on her kids like they didn't have feelings and like they were trash. When Sharon would get in trouble for how she treats her kids from her parents or any of Jeff's family. Once she got alone of she thought away from them she would discipline her children the way she thought was fit. Which was nothing of the sorts. She would choke, slap in the face, slam into the car, and cuss them out, and beat them with whatever she felt was necessary. Sharon had a very dark side to her that she took out on her child. As her children got older they started to stand up for themselves and slowly distance themselves from her and only deal with her on holidays or when Sharon wouldn't stop blowing them up.

    The way Sharon treated Kayla has made her feel the way she does about her today.not only is Kayla the oldest but Sharon puts all the responsibilities on her to find her money for food, cigarettes, coke money, and whatever else she wants to spend her money on. Sharon only seems to think about herself and even goes as far as taking Kayla last bit of money so she cant even have food to eat all to make sure Sharon has her smokes. But that's not even the worst part If Kayla doesn't have the money, or just doesn't want to give Sharon any she will try and make Kayla feel guilty because she is letting her mom go without. Sharon's own words "I might not of been the best mom, but I never miss treated you kids the way you treat me. I don't know where you get it from but it hurts me when you talk to me the way you do. And the way you guys treat me like I'm trash and could careless if I am in your lives. You know what Kayla fuck you I wont ever ask you for help again you fucking little bitch. Also has to have a issue when I need help with something." When Tiffany heard Sharon say this to her own daughter on a daily basis she soons started to grow a hatred for Sharon and even the way she talked about anything started to annoy her and sicken her even more.