ptsd take over

 my ptsd has been bad the past almost three weeks now. it has been hard for me to sleep eat do anything really. i have no motivation for life or anything at this moment. all I keep doing is throwing up and having these really intense headaches that i know are caused by the stress. I have thought about making an appointment again with my therapist but at the same time how do I know that it will actually do anything for me. i just want to feel normal again and not stressed out but it seems like anything I do I am still stressed out. i know its cause i am in this apartment and I have to deal with my crazy neighbor and all her lies but i am to the point where i just want to give up and i know that i can't and that I will be moved out of here soon but soon isn't soon enough unfortunately. but hopefully in the next month I will be moved out of here and starting to feel better and more relaxed because i don't deserve this or what I am going through.  i have come so far in life with my ptsd and the fact that my neighbors bf hit me in the head and it triggered it back up to the full extent is scary because i know i can't live like this forever and that if it doesn't stop or i don't get help that it won't end well because my organs will start to shut down and no one wants that. i try to ignore her and i blocked her but the fact that she sits on Facebook daily bad talking me and thinking she will get away with it is mind blowing to me because like what the actual fuck they need to be punished and its sad to say that i don't think they will unless i put it into my own hands and that isn't something i want to do because i have to worry about my kids and think about them i can't help what anyone else does or says i know the truth.  i just want to get better for myself and for my kids and i know its going to be a long journey all over again but this time around i know a little bit more on what to do and how to make myself feel safe. which i do feel safe cause i know i can hold my own but it still makes me worry that the fact she won't drop it and is trying to get me in more trouble than i deserve and she is the one who deserves it 

i hope when we go to court the judge is going to hear my side of the story and see the proof and side with me and not her because she deserves to rot in hell and die and have a painful death no wonder her parents gave her up for adoptions they knew she was going to be a dumb bitch and didn't want to deal with her and now her adopted family is seeming like they don't want to deal with her either and i laugh at that because she has to be miserable for the fact that no one wants her not even her gay boyfriend he wants her to be a man than a female and that is why he makes her fuck him in the ass every time they fuck and she thinks she is happy good luck to her and her misery but she isn't going to be bringing me down with her 

youre a joke just like my baby daddy

 i had divorce court today and i already knew my baby daddy and his girlfriend were going to be on some bullshit and that they were when the judge said my name, he tried to correct the judge and then shut up real fast because he was showing his ass. then his girlfriend thought that she had something to say when they were walking out but wouldn't say it to me only said it to each other as they walked down the stairs. i just laughed and ignored them and then when i was going out of the courthouse they sat there and waited just so she could try and scream something out the window which i haven't a clue what it is. when in reality she needs to worry about getting her kids out of dcfs and getting some front teeth cause she  is just a bust down druggie who is mad that she could never be me ever in her life and she thinks she has something up on me because she is with my baby daddy when i was the one who left him like they both look like jokes and im going to make sure she knows it too she will forever be a joke in my eyes and so wont he ever be a father because at the end of the day he has every  way to message me to talk to them and doesn't so that isn't going to look good on his part at all. he hasn't even messaged to ask about them or to talk to them or anything its like i am pushing kids on to him that he doesn't want and the fact that he is more worried about his girlfriend seeing the kids instead of him is wild to me. my little rant is over because there will be more to come because i know these crack heads wont ever leave me alone 

my neighbor from hell

 everyone swears they have a neighbor from hell but I'm about to tell you just a few things that makes mine an actual neighbor from hell. 

    this neighbor of mine she moved in maybe 8 months after i did and at first it was alright i didn't really hear from her, but that doesn't mean i didn't hear her kids screaming and banging through the walls. i ignored it because i have kids too and i get it kids can be loud, but this was like every morning thing to where we couldn't even sleep in cause her son would be banging his bed against the wall and screaming for hours on end till his mom got up and got him out. this is nothing though its just getting started. 

    from there we move on to the fact that her baby daddy and on again off again boyfriend would literally fight so loud that i could hear the whole argument over my tv playing in my living room. mind you they got into a fight so bad that he broke her window in her house and broke in and then beat her with his crutches cause his foot was broken at the time. and from there on he isn't supposed to be allowed back on the property at all, but she still allows him to after that all happened.

     they ended up breaking up like three times and getting back together and it just got worst every time they got back together you could hear the screams of them fighting to thuds of them throwing shit at each other and throwing shit at the wall. too hearing the kids screaming and crying over it all. but what takes the cake is instead of getting out of the toxic relationship she goes back to him and this time they are fighting so much that neither one of them realized that their son who is three years old got out of the house at 1 in the morning for over an hour running the road and a neighbor had to call the police. but that wasn't the first time this happened because i one morning found him outside at 530 in the morning playing by himself instead of me calling the police i brought him back home when i really should of reported it. 

    the funny thing is when the cops came for her son she thought i called them on her and right there i knew she was nuts because i gotten woken up to cops banging on my door looking for the kids mom which was my neighbor. 

    lets not forget that there is even more that happen that will make you think what the actual fuck!

    next up we are going to talk about the fact that she doesn't discipline her kids what so ever.. she lets her kids throw and hit other kids and when they cry she just kind of laughs it off like its a joke. her son would throw shit at my daughter and make her cry or bleed and i would tell her to ignore him cause he is smaller than her and then yesterday she let her son sump water on my daughters new hover board that she got for her birthday and ruined it and then had enough nerve to say she wasn't going to pay for it because supposedly my kids broke her kids things which they didn't because i watch them and if they did then why not say anything when it happened and i would of replaced it instead she tried to blame my kids for breaking something that her own boyfriend broke of their sons and wanted to blame my kids and i wasn't having it. i told her there would be a police report made for this because it was expensive. she said that it wasn't her responsibility so now i have to take it into my own hands since she wants to be petty and break my kids things its sad that the police have to be involved because she is a shitty parent and let her kid ruin a brand new toy and then had enough nerve to ask why i would even let her have it outside like it isn't made to be out there she really is an ignorant cunt. 

    the story is just getting better and better because i have so much more to say. so about two weeks ago my neighbor and her boyfriend decided that they are going to come up to me and have her phone on record to try and start a fight with me. i ended up getting in her face after the fact she walked up on me i ended up telling her i would beat her ass and head butt her i didn't touch her though cause i know her slow ass cant fight and i would of felt bad. so here comes her fat boyfriend and he shoves me and hits me in the head. that is when me and her boyfriend started to fight and that's when i put him in a choke hold and started yelling for someone to call the cops because he hit me and there was multiple people who seen it happen and while i was choking him she shoved me and then i let go and that's when he shoved me and swung on me and that's when i swung on him and then we started to go our separate ways because the cops where coming. and while im waiting outside he runs inside and as he is running inside i told him to go get fucked in the ass some more because he has his girlfriend do that. so then the cops come and get statement she tried to lie and say i head butt her when she wasn't even touched and others who seen it even said that i didn't touch her. 

    i ended up making a TikTok post a few days later because even after i blocked her from everything she started to message my boyfriend and tried to say to tell me something when i didn't want to speak to her then she went and added my first cousin on Facebook which is weird. then i get a message about her and a huge post she made about me and posted all my social media on there and even posted my kid on the internet and i don't even post them on there myself so that really made me mad. i ended up reading what she posted and it was all lies she was trying to paint me out to be this horrific person. so i went and got a no contact order on her and her boyfriend and then she went and got one on me and told even more lies. she tried to say i was yelling through the walls at her and that i was looking through her windows and that im making post about her and telling people to ask me what happened in the fight when none and i mean absolutely none of it is even remotely true. for one she even made a comment on the post that she hasn't been home since this happened. so right there she is telling on herself for lying because if you haven't been here then how you know im yelling through the walls. and the funny part is she said she cant make out what i am saying but that she can hear her name. like nah she is hearing the voices in her head because she is delusional. and for looking through her windows what do i need to do that for i have never done it before why would i now that is just beyond weird. and lets not forget she said that i said i was going to beat her up before and i laughed because if i was going to beat her up i would of never been her friend like that is beyond weird to me and she needs mental help so now i have to go to court here soon to see what is going to be done because at this point i want a no contact order on her forever!